How to get over heartbreak: the million dollar question. I don’t have all the answers. I wish I did. All I have are my experiences, advice from others in their experience, and what I’ve seen. From these, I have compiled a list of things I have learned about heartbreak, and how to get over it in an efficient and healthy way.
How to Get Over Heartbreak:
Feel it. Don’t ignore it. Pain demands to be felt. Nothing good comes from bottling it all up and shoving it deep down in that dark hole in the recesses of your brain. Strength is not the absence of pain. Strength is being able to admit that you are hurting and that you need help coping with your pain.
Cut all ties. You cannot be friends with your ex. If you were in love, there is too much history, too many feelings, to many dreams crushed. Do yourself a favor and cut all ties with them. It will save you pain and make your recovery go faster.
Join clubs. Be around people. You’ll feel like that is exactly the opposite of what you want to do when you’re heartbroken. You want to hole yourself up in your room and never come out. But by forcing yourself to be around people, you are forcing yourself to think about something other than your pain. It’s refreshing. You need time away from your pain. You need to be around happy people because happiness is contagious. You need to know that you will be able to be happy again one day. You need to see it right before your eyes.
Do what makes you happy. Make a list of things that make you happy and try to do one of them every single day. I started volunteering a dog adoption events. I started making an effort to plan outings with friends. Instead of lying in my bed all day watching Netflix on the weekends, I got out of the apartment and explored. I walked up and down streets just because. I went into stores and coffee shops that looked interesting. I started writing and reading. I started buying flowers for myself. I forced light back into my life any way possible.
Write. Write it all down. Write letters to him or her that you’ll never send. Write affirmations. Write poems. Write emails to your parents. Just write. Channel it through your pen and onto your paper so it doesn’t sit inside of you and fester.
Stay healthy. Run, bike, walk, lift, swim, climb. Stay active. Focus your anger into something positive. I started training for my first half marathon right after he broke up with me. It gave me a reason to get up in the morning. It gave me a reason to stay healthy. By showing my body love, I showed myself love.
Cry. Let it out.
Ask for help. You cannot do it alone. Call your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, anyone you trust. Ask them about their heartbreak. Tell them about your fears. Let their words calm you. Let their lessons be your lessons.
Spend time by yourself, but not alone. Do not lock yourself in your room for hours. Go to a cafe and read, sit in a park, go see a movie, go to a museum. Spending time by yourself is valuable. It allows you to reflect. It allows you to get used to being alone. It allows you to start rebuilding a relationship with yourself, one that you most likely neglected during your relationship. Spend time by yourself, but alone.
List what you are thankful for. Heartbreak breeds sadness, hate, discontentment, bitterness. Don’t let them overtake you. Every night before you go to bed, list everything you are thankful for. It will help you put your pain in perspective. It will make you realize, yeah, I’m in this terrible place in my life, but at least I’m healthy, my family is healthy, and I have people who love me. As time goes on, your list will grow.
Be patient with yourself. Even if you are doing all the “right” things to get over your heartbreak, it isn’t going to go away overnight. It takes time, so much time that you’ll want to cry just because it’s taking so long. Others are going to get impatient with your pain, and eventually you’re going to get impatient with your pain, too. Don’t hate yourself for being so heartbroken. You are human. You loved someone so deeply that their absence is tearing you apart. Just know that it will get better with time. Take it day by day, hour by hour, and eventually you will realize that you have more good days than bad. Eventually you will realize you didn’t think about him or her all day.
Give and receive hugs whenever you can. My roommate and I started hugging after my breakup. A lot. We hugged when we woke up. We hugged before bed. We hugged whenever I felt like it. Hugs are scientifically proven to make you happier. For real, check it out here and here and here. Closeness with another human being, physically and emotionally, is good for your soul.
Ultimately, there is no set formula for how to get over heartbreak. Everyone is different. Sometimes it takes a few months. Sometimes it takes a few years. The only sure thing is that you will make it through it and you will be a better, more loving person because of it. Heartbreak has a way of creating space in your heart you never thought could exist before.
How did you get over your heartbreak? Comment below.
Know someone going through heart break? Email this to them. And ask them how they are doing. Most of all, be patient with them.