From the outside, today looks like any old Friday. I am sitting at my desk with my heels off, legs crossed “Indian style” under my dress, head phones in, eating my mid-morning snack of oatmeal and blueberries. The window my desk faces is open and the beautiful spring air is wafting in, mixing with the smell of the cup of coffee in my hand. I take out my headphones so I can hear the birds chirping outside. I sit back in my plush, leather chair, close my eyes and breathe it in.
Today isn’t any old Friday. Today is my last day at my job; my first full-time job out of college, the job where I met friends and mentors I’ll keep for the rest of my life, the job that made me feel at home when I was broken and fighting to put the pieces of my life back together, the job I quit in order to follow my dreams of traveling the world, the job full of people excited for me to leave them and follow my dreams.
Today isn’t any old Friday. Today is the day all of my friends are gathering in one place to say goodbye as I leave for over a year, first to work in Alaska, then to travel around Europe and Asia. Today is the day I start saying goodbye to the place I’ve called home for the last six years.
So I sit here, soaking up the comfort and contentment and normalcy of this place for just a few more hours, giving this moment to myself, allowing myself to feel the sadness that comes with leaving, allowing the fear and nostalgia to outweigh the excitement. Instead of talking down to myself, “But Sam, you should be THRILLED, EXCITED, PUMPED.” I’m giving myself a pass for a few minutes because sadness demands to be felt, even if it’s a good sadness, a sadness derived from happiness and excitement.